I’m Alive Guyssss, Just Post-NYSC Blues 😭😭
Before I decided to write this post, I was on Google and Quora, searching “Why do I feel so enthusiastic starting a project and abandon it midway?”
I read about 2 articles and what I took out from the two is that I abandon them the moment they shift from being fantasy to reality. Hahaha. I feel attacked!
So what’s the way forward? Google says to hold myself accountable, to be specific with my project. Instead of saying I want to write a movie script, say I want to write a movie script exploring female friendship amongst 4 Abuja housewives. According to Google, simplifying makes it easy because now you know where to start and the project becomes easy to execute.
Okay, enough of the motivational speaking but that’s what’s up. I’ve been planning and abandoning projects, overwhelmed terribly and confused about what’s next after I finished NYSC.
I stopped writing, it wasn’t even a writer’s block because I had ideas and stories in my head but I just couldn’t bring myself to execute or write. I was scared to start because I knew I would stop halfway again or be rejected or that I’m fantasizing too much and the reality won’t go as I planned or my idea sucks and I will be heartbroken in the end and people will scream shame in my face 😭😭. And that sucks. Lol
It was so bad that I stopped journaling, I have two journals, one for my personal life and the other for my creative life. I abandoned both and stacked my novels on them, one by one until I stopped noticing both Journals.
A friend called me yesterday. He asked me why I’ve been off, ‘I noticed you haven’t been writing.’ He said, I haven’t o, I said, haven’t been reading either. I told him. And after a conversation with him, I decided it is time to get back my juice 😩
Subhannallah. Lord, I wish someone warned me o. No one did. They were just saying Congratulations, Congrats o, Corper wee, Favour market will rush you, ehn ehn ehn.
Post NYSC is a terrible stage for people like me especially when you’re ‘jobless’ and living with your parents. It’s really easy to settle for anything at that stage, something that isn’t you.
I lived at home for a year straight. It’s never happened before, at least not since I was 9. I went to boarding school so after 2 months plus in school, I come home spend weeks or months and I’m back to school. The same happened during University. But NYSC, a year plus in the same place, God did I almost suffocate?
Anyways I decided to travel to Abuja, I planned 2 weeks, I spent close to a month and I feel better now and I’ve realized that I don’t like to be in a place for a long time, I like to move and I can’t wait to have enough money to move around.
So Guys I’m Alive!
For everyone who checked up on me to ask what’s up with my blog, with my poems, with my status, with photo snippets of paragraphs from my current read and so on. I really appreciate, it’s such an amazing feeling knowing people actually care about what I do even when I started to feel otherwise.
I don’t want to promise anything but I’m better than before, I’m less confused and less overwhelmed. I promise to pick a book soon and take Bookstagram pictures too, lol.
I also want to try to fantasize less about projects and hold myself accountable and also face reality instead. It’s going to be messy but thank God for my pretty journals beneath my books, I can make it less messy.
Nigeria Series and Big Brother
I haven’t been watching movies, reading, listening to podcasts, writing or blogging. Whew.
But I’ve been active on YouTube though, following Nigerian series and Nigerian YouTubers. I have something to say about Nigerian series but not today.
I’ve been on Big Brother too, it’s my fave reality show and guess who my favorites are this season? Diane, Mercy and Sir Dee. I really hope they go far 😭😭.
Following Big brother? Who’s your favorite? Also do you have a word of advice or encouragement for my creative situation 😭, please drop comments. Thainkz.